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A study found that two of the main keys to a healthy marriage are effective communication and conflict resolution.
Conflict is a part of every marriage. However, researchers found that of the 150 couples studied over 10 years, couples that handled these conflicts well had a divorce rate 50 percent lower than those who didn’t.
When dealing with conflict, here are some “don’ts” for those interested in keeping their marriage healthy:
· Don’t insist on being right every time – this ugly behavior breeds resentment and damages your credibility. Make an effort to acknowledge valid opposing viewpoints and admit your own mistakes.
· Don’t sulk or withdraw – if problems aren’t heard, they won’t be resolved.
· Don’t name call – don’t criticize the spouse, criticize the behavior.
· Don’t put down – there is always a better way to express what you are feeling.
· Don’t shame – especially in public. This breeds low self-esteem, which can further hinder effective communication by decreasing the shamed spouse’s ability to communicate desires.
· Don’t test or provoke – don’t do things to provoke a negative reaction.
· Don’t blame – say, “I didn’t like it when…” instead of “You ruined…”
· Don’t interrupt – each spouse should allow the other time to speak.
· Don’t give ultimatums – offer compromises instead of threats.
· Don’t use negatives – instead of saying things like “Don’t…” and “You’re not…” say things like “Next time, please…”
· Don’t abuse -- verbally or physically. It is always unacceptable and illegal.
Not all marriages are salvageable however. If you or your spouse find these tips ineffective and you feel the marriage is beyond reconciliation, please contact us today for a free consultation with an experienced divorce lawyer in your area.
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