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Can I get some coaching about appearing in divorce court?
You'll need to appear in court if you are getting divorced, and many people find courtrooms to be intimidating. Actually, courtrooms are designed to be intimidating, or to at least impress everyone with the seriousness of court proceedings. Lawyers can coach their clients regarding how to act in court, but it's a pretty simple matter. Here are some guidelines that will get you through your court appearance with a minimum of anxiety, confusion, and boredom.
Before You Go to the Courthouse
- Don't bring your children to your hearing unless you're directed to do so by the court. Arrange child care (plus back-up child care) well before the court date.
- Be prepared with all pertinent documents and information. Review everything with your attorney. If you are doing the divorce "pro se" (on your own, without an attorney), be extra careful that you don't leave any information behind. Not having all the correct documentation could result in your hearing being rescheduled at an unpleasantly later date.
- There may be long stretches of time with nothing to do at the courthouse. Bring a book or newspaper if you like to read. Make sure you've eaten appropriately, because your court time may take much longer than you would like.
- Bring money (cash) for parking and for snacks.
- Nearly all courthouses today have metal detectors for security. It should go without saying that you cannot bring even a Swiss Army knife into a courthouse. If you have metal embedded in your body for a medical purpose, be prepared to document it so that you're not turned away by security.
At the Courthouse
- Dress appropriately. Do not show up in jeans, sandals, a tank top or T-shirt, let alone revealing clothing. You want to impress the judge as a reliable, serious person.
- Once the court is in session, do not talk out of turn. Don't speak to the judge unless you're answering a question from him or her. Don't talk to your spouse or his/her attorney. Don't make faces or gestures toward your spouse.
- Try to leave your emotions at the door. You may be angry (or very angry) or sad, but try to keep that inside. Outbursts of emotion are not welcome in court.
- Listen to your attorney. Take the direction or advice from your attorney. He or she knows what is going on, and what should be done.
- When you speak to the judge, it's a good idea to use the terms "your Honor" and "sir" or "ma'am." This really makes a good impression on the judge. Keep in mind that the judge will be making decisions that profoundly affect your life.
- It's okay to take notes; in fact, it can help you a lot to write down important matters, plus any questions you have.
- After the hearing is over, if you have questions, be sure to ask them of your attorney. If you don't have an attorney, you may be allowed to quietly approach the judge's clerk.
Remember — Respect and Restraint. Respect the other people in the hearing, and respect the judge. Refrain yourself from untoward behavior. Your conduct in court is important.