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Some divorce experts say that divorced people must learn from their previous marital experiences in order to make remarriage work. They also say that seeking the help of a support group or counselor is another valuable approach to recovering from a divorce and moving on with one’s life; whether that is to remarriage or happy singlehood.
Current Divorce Trends
According to the Census Bureau, 18.3 million people divorced in 1996, compared to 4.3 million in 1970. This means that the number of divorcees in the United States has quadrupled over the last few decades. Currently approximately fifty percent of all marriages end in divorce. HOWEVER, this is not to say that all marriages carry the same divorce risks.
Causes of Divorce
Evidence shows that the following factors have an effect on a couple’s likelihood of divorce:
· Income
· Age
· Success of parent’s marriage
· Religious/Spiritual Affiliations
· Level of education
· Presence and timing of children (waiting seven or more months after marriage to have children versus having a child before marriage)
· Couple’s perception of marriage and love
Attitudes Towards Love and Marriage
Judy Latta, an outpatient therapist with the Coles County Mental Health Department in Illinois, says from her experience, couples face a higher risk of divorce when they have unrealistic expectations of love. She says one of the biggest myths for young couples, which causes problems, is that couples magically fall in love and that is enough to sustain a long-term partnership.
“The most important thing is growing in love and growing together. We forget that we have to work on relationships. And that doesn’t mean that it’s hard or unpleasant or not fun. You can learn to love the work of marriage.” She adds that it’s important to recognize that every couple has problems and challenges to work through during the course of their relationship.
After Divorce: Get a life
Instead of going on a search for a new partner, divorce experts recommend that people get more involved in their own lives. The best way to get your life back on track is to stop looking for the next potential spouse and start going out and enjoying what you really love to do. Volunteer work, sports, other recreational events or hobbies, social gatherings, and other activities will allow you to enjoy life more and meet people with common interests.
Latta contends, “I think it’s usually not to your advantage to be looking for someone to marry, because if you can’t learn to be okay by yourself and with friends and learn to enjoy your job and enjoy living by yourself, it’s going to be very hard for you to find satisfaction and happiness in a relationship.”
Karen Sutcliff, who teaches divorce recovery, adds, “It’s important for singles to find others who are in the same place in their lives, whether they are widows, widowers, divorced, or have never been married.”
She also says that plugging into a divorce support group can be helpful in recovering from a divorce. Time is a great healer, but seeking out counseling and support are excellent pro-active ways to heal, grow, and learn from a failed marriage.
Sutcliff says it’s important to not bring baggage from the first marriage into the second. She adds that people who communicate and work together to resolve issues become stronger as individuals and as a couple.