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Money Mangles Marriage

Research indicates that money problems are a primary source of tension between couples. In the worst cases, money problems provoke divorce and in many others, money puts a significant strain on the relationship. This story will take you through some of the myths and realities of how American couples handle money matters.

COMMUNICATION

Most couples do not adequately communicate about money before and during a relationship. According to a poll by USA Today, nearly two-thirds of all American couples do not talk about how to combine their finances before they get hitched.

Motivational speaker and author of Money Habitudes, Syble Solomon, says talk of money is the principle taboo for couples prior to marriage.

Additionally, couples need help learning how to save more and spend less and how to plan for retirement, says a survey from the Financial Planning Association (FPA).

BIG SPENDERS

The trouble with the US today is that we are a nation of spenders rather than savers. On average, Americans today spend more money than they earn. Overspending can have a tremendous adverse impact on a marriage, not to mention a couple’s finances. Experts say that an overspender is much like an alcoholic or gambler; all can cause serious damage to a relationship because of their habits.

In the worst cases, overspending can create a rift between two people that cannot be mended.

PERCEPTION VS REALITY

Many couples surveyed admit that money is less of an issue in their relationship than other factors would suggest. The majority of responders to the USA Today survey said that money matters were not an issue of concern in their relationship.

However, another study by scientist Jay Zagorsky suggests that money is consistently sited as one of the biggest areas of concern for married couples born between 1957 and 1963. Zagorsky says that many couples don’t want to admit there’s trouble.

HARD WORK

Getting money matters straightened out in a relationship can be a formidable task. It can be tough and very straining on a relationship to dig deep into financial issues long avoided.

Financial planners urge couples to recognize these challenges and create a strategy to deal with them before the going gets too tough. This can help move a relationship closer to financial harmony.

FINANCIAL COMPLICATORS

The following are other factors that can increase the chances of financial trouble in a relationship. Though these factors don’t necessitate trouble they do help paint a more complicated financial picture for a couple.

• Marrying later: Older individuals tend to bring more assets and debts into a new relationship. They also tend to have stronger opinions about how to manage their money. A more complicated financial picture can cause stress in a relationship.

• Dual-income families: when two adults in a household work it can create what one financial planner calls a vicious cycle of stress. Couples who have more, tend to want more, which requires more work, and results in more stress. Balancing the high cost of living with raising a family in line with your values and goals can be difficult.

• Controlling finances: As women begin to earn more money, they expect to have more control over money matters. In some cases, this can create strife when partners have different beliefs about who should control the money and make economic decisions in a family. While many couples are moving towards joint control over finances, it is still more common for one partner to take the lead.

• Non-traditional relationships: Many couples who are not married are establishing households and mingling finances. Without the same legal protections as married couples, this arrangement can result in troubles with finances.

• Divorce and remarriage: Carrying over financial issues from a previous marriage can complicate a new marriage. If one or both partners previously failed in the finance department, these unresolved problems could also be brought into the new relationship. Couples who’ve been previously marriage can also be more suspicious of one another because of past problems.

DIVORCE

The FPA says that 40 percent of financial planners who’ve worked with divorcing couples say money is the principle factor in their separation. Couples who cannot reconcile spending lifestyles and how to manage finances can find themselves headed towards Splitsville.

Financial planners and marriage counselors are available to couples who want the opportunity to work these difficult issues out instead of splitting. Those who are beyond reconciliation and see divorce as the only option would do best to seek the help of a qualified attorney. An experienced divorce attorney can help sort out your financial issues and protect your best interest.